(Tuesday, March 31, 2009)

There is an email in my inbox from Catharine Russell (Cat’s Eye Photography) with a few samples of my after shots. They are beautiful. I am beautiful.

I have never felt that until today.

(Sunday, March 15th)

I am getting ready to head off on holidays for 10 days in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, but I wanted to post about my photo shoot before I head for sunnier skies. I met with Rose from MD at the clinic Saturday morning to do make up. It was way more make-up than I am accustomed to, but she assured me that it would look great in the photos.

Cat arrived at the clinic and I had a chance to chat with her for a while before we got started. It was nice to have time to become familiar with her before stepping in front of the camera. I am not comfortable having my picture taken and I know it took time to loosen up.

We used downtown Victoria as the backdrop for the photos, but it wasn’t the typical Empress or harbour shot. It was crazy, random spots in back alleys and doorways, places only a talented photographer with an amazing eye for art can pick out.

The morning was fun and light-hearted even if freezing cold! I was glad for the jacket that we picked as part of my outfit. There were times that I felt a little like a movie star when tourists were stopping to take pictures of my photo shoot or someone asked if I was a model.

It was the perfect end to a perfect prize.

(Friday March 13)

I am in the home stretch and it has been crazy! Let me walk you through my week:

Monday: On Monday morning, I went to Babin Dentistry to have my teeth cleaned. I am embarrassed to say it had been a couple of years and my teeth loved me for having it done. It was by far the gentlest cleaning I have ever had. Even with the amount of build-up, it was an almost pleasant experience. As pleasant as dental work can be anyhow.

Tuesday: Tuesday morning was Zoom time! Teeth whitening is a very different experience. It starts with a process called “isolation”. Seems simple enough, but it involves a plastic gagdet to hold your mouth open, lots of gauze and goop to protect your gums. Once that is complete, the actual whitening treatments are quick and easy. I even fell asleep during one of the applications. Overall, the procedure was fine, however, the sensitivity was pretty bad for the rest of the day.

Wednesday: The tooth sensitivity is all gone! Yay! It was such a weird sensation and I am glad it is gone! I went for my first IPL treatment today. Unfortunately, IPL machines are hot on the black market and the machine was stolen just before I started this process. (It’s back and fully operational now!) I’ll get to continue with the subsequent treatments after my reveal though. If the tooth sentivitiy from the whitening process could be likened to eating hot peppers (slow build and lingering), then IPL can be likened to eating wasabi. There is an initial shock of pain, but it instantly disappears. It was worst on my nose and upper lip, but again, the pain goes away immediately.

Thursday: I got my hair done!! It looks incredible. I had no idea that highlights could make such a dramatic difference. We chose beautiful shades of gold and copper. John did an awesome job of cutting my hair. It is dramatically different, but so flattering and easy to maintain. I could not have asked for a better cut or experience. The staff are great and the results match!

Friday: Andrea took me to Tulipe Noir to pick out an outift for my photo shoot. The store is so quirky and fun and original. The pieces are spectacular and unique. You certainly aren’t going to run into someone with the same outfit at your next party. It was fun trying things on and even better to find out that I had dropped not one, but TWO dress sizes! (Woot! Woot! Shout out to Michele and BDHQ!) We settled on a terrific outfit.

And that folks, is a whirlwind week of makeover madness!

(Friday March 6th)

It has been a month since beginning this journey and it has been incredible. I have never won anything in my life and I can’t think of anything that I would more appreciate. The outward changes have been wonderful, but the slow return of my confidence is the most valuable prize of all.

My confident return has been in no small part thanks to Michele Shorter and her amazing team at Body Dynamics. I have been participating in her “Biggest Winner” program. It is simply the most motivating and comprehensive weightloss/wellness program there is in Victoria. I have a significant amount of weight to lose, but I have never felt intimidated or shy in this group. I am working out 4 days a week with a supportive group of women who are all striving for the same goal of healthier fitter selves. Michele is the perfect combination of Bob and Jillian from the Biggest Loser on TV. She is tough as nails and doesn’t accept excuses just like Jillian, but at the same time, she is completely emotionally invested in each success and failure, just like Bob.

The weight is coming off every week and I feel stronger after every workout. Thanks Michele!

Week three has been a little less of a whirl wind, but no less fun. I had my hair consultation with John at Carriero. The staff seemed really excited and it was so nice to meet John. I loved that they asked if I wanted a subtle change or something radical. I appreciated the chance to have some input. If I were 15 years younger and not working in a professional environment, I would have gone completely radical. Straightened, crazy colour, you name it. But being 36 and an executive assistant, I chose to remain more subtle. I want a change, but I still want to look like me, just a new and improved version. We decided on a cut and highlights. I have never had highlights and I am excited to see how it turns out.

Dr. Milkovich and I met on Monday morning to begin my treatments at MD Esthetics. I was so nervous.  I knew that he would do a great job and I knew that he wasn’t going to change me so drastically that my family would starting calling me Joan, but I was apprehensive about “having work done”.

We started by looking at my photos and discussing the procedures that we were going to undertake. We decided that a little Botox would go a long way to relax the deep creases between my eyes and the frown lines around my mouth. Nothing drastic, but enough to make a difference in what I see in the mirror. I will also we doing IPL photorejuvenation. My face has been red and blotchy my entire life. Without that, my skin would be near flawless. (if I do say so myself) I had no idea it could even be treated. And lastly, I am getting lips, baby! I have a lovely full bottom lip, but my top lip is thin and completely disappears when I smile. Dr. Milkovich can actually plump up that top lip with a little filler and make it Angelina gorgeous, without being Angelina big.

The Botox treatments were easy-peasy. If you have ever done acupuncture, you can handle Botox. Just close your eyes and relax. It is over is a few minutes. The effects are gradual, so I am not seeing the true effects yet, but I am noticing a little relaxing around my eyes.

The lips, however, weren’t as fun and easy. My whole mouth (and teeth and tongue…) was frozen with topical anesthetic before anything began. Even though I couldn’t actually feel my lips, they felt 6 sizes too big and we hadn’t even started.  I (we) chose not to use the nerve blocker which would have frozen the whole bottom half of my face. I would have liked that even less than the few moments of discomfort. The lips are incredibly sensitive, so it did pinch a little having the filler injected, but it lasted only a moment.

He did warn me that my lips would swell and not to panic, but I did anyhow. I kept looking at myself in the mirror thinking “What the heck have you done?” They were *huge* and puffy, definitely not the lovely plump lips I had envisioned. On Tuesday morning, my lips were still puffy, but not Meg Ryan puffy. By Wednesday morning, the swelling was all but one leaving perfect gorgeous pouty lips. I love my new lips.

There is such a stigma around Botox and the like, but the techniques have come a long way. I am sure that many people have been thrilled with their results, but are too afraid to say that they have had a little Botox here and a little collagen there. There is no shame in doing something for yourself. There is no need for embarrassment.

So I will be the Botox poster child.

Friday, February 13^th, 2009

I met Dr. Milkovich, Dr, Banks and the MD Esthetics staff on Monday. They are a fabulous (and fabulous looking) crew.  The office is lovely, but not over-the-top corporate lawyer swanky, so I still felt comfortable in jeans. Ted, the photographer was busily setting up lighting and the camera to take some before shots and to film the big prize handover. I made sure to stop drinking water so that I looked particularly dry and insisted on minimal make-up so that I wouldn’t look too stunning in my before shots. I want the big reveal to be dramatic.

The prize handover was really fun, the first time. By the third or tenth take, it was hard to keep the smile from looking stiff. I wonder, is there a procedure for keeping a natural looking smile in every photo? That would be a big seller.

Yesterday, I had a chance to meet with Andrea, the organizer of this whole wonderful experience. We discussed scheduling for my different services and appointments. We discussed my goals for the make-over. I am feeling really excited talking about having my hair done and when we’ll do my make-up and photo shoot. I kept thinking that someone needed to pinch me because I don’t win things. I certainly don’t win huge makeovers.

I haven’t even started any of the services to help improve my outside, but I can already feel my insides getting better. Having the opportunity to really focus on myself and do something just for me is liberating. I feel giddy.

My story begins years ago when my husband and I decided to try to have a baby. We had a great deal of fun trying for the first year, but with no success. I thought that my weight was holding us back and I jumped on the fitness bandwagon on January 1st and worked my butt off, literally. I dropped 30lbs and felt better than I ever had, but our conception outlook hadn’t changed.

We went to a fertility specialist to see what was happening with my disobedient ovaries and discovered that our collection reproductive prowess is more effective than most birth control in *preventing* pregnancy. And our assisted fertility journey began.  Having a baby was incredibly important, but the hormones, forced rest and emotional turmoil took its toll on my newly fit body and psyche. With one cancelled IVF cycle under our belts, we pulled ourselves together to give it one more shot, but that was it. We knew we couldn’t cope through another cycle if that one failed.

In August 2006, the second round of daily injections began with an extreme dosage of hormones to rev up the egg engines. We got one fertilized egg for the efforts. When the clinic called to say that our one little egg had split into *two* cells, we celebrated like it was 1999. Those two microscopic cells were about to change our lives forever.

Almost 9 months later (a whole other story involving tena pads and a busted water heater), Gavin was born. He is an absolute miracle. I wouldn’t change him for anything.

But 20 months after giving birth to our miracle, I am a tired, overweight, working mom who wants to get her body back after years of fertility treatment, pregnancy, breastfeeding and post-partum depression. I look and feel years older than my youthful 36. My body is tired, my face is tired and I am tired of feeling this way. I should be enjoying this time of my life, but I am held back by my appearance. I want to enter my 40s with the same confindence I had in my 20s.

If I were to win the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn’t go on a tropical vacation or buy a fancy car, I would hire a personal trainer and get a few facials. Then, I could enjoy that vacation in my bathing suit or put the top down on my fancy car.